The birth of a child brings to the woman an incomparable happiness.
Childfree subculture does not count. But what if you want a child from an ex-husband or boyfriend? Agree, the situation is not the usual name.
And here it is important not to break the wood, because the kid should in no way become a toy or a bargaining chip.
Yes, and think about yourself: "pull" the two alone? Would you regret the decision?
There are only two options for the development of a situation: to give birth or not to give birth. But the nuances more, and they are worth it to look closer.
There are three categories of women who decide to give birth from a former
• adult women who have lived for a long time in a barge, loving their husband after a break;
• adult women who do not have any special feelings for the ex-husband, but regard him as an excellent candidate for the role of a biological father;
• young women or girls who see the birth of a baby as a chance to restore or start a family.
Each of these women has their own reasons for wanting a child from an ex-husband or boyfriend. But not everyone understands what can turn this desire.
I want a child from my ex-husband because I love
The intention to have a child for yourself today will not surprise anyone. In the past, there was public condemnation and sidelong glances, which were awarded to single mothers by the brisk public of Soviet years. Another question: is it worth it to give birth and what will the child grow without a father.
The difficult decision to give birth to the former can come in different ways. Sometimes this option becomes the only opportunity to keep a piece of his former love near him. Relations are broken, but a small copy of a loved one will live next to you.
Want a child from her ex-husband in this case is normal, especially if the marriage was long and the woman is already "far beyond ...". There is neither strength nor desire to build a new relationship: love is still alive, I don’t want to think about another man. A biological age requires its own. No matter why the marriage broke up. If a woman has the opportunity to raise the baby herself, does not have any illusions about the return of her husband and really wants a child without any additional conditions, then you need to give birth. "I want the child of her husband who left" - quite a normal desire.
Of course, there are many questions. Will the baby be happy? Will the bitter word "fatherlessness" be a stigma for the baby? How to explain the absence of the father to the daughter or the son? An adult is responsible for the decision himself, but it is not clear how the grown-up child will take this choice. But you need to understand that a person draws support in life from the family. If there is no father, then the main burden in this difficult task falls on the mother. You need to be psychologically prepared for questions and problems. If the mother is calm, and most importantly - is strong in spirit and does not feel any guilt, then the baby will grow up calm and confident.
I want a child from her ex-husband, because it's time to give birth
A woman may choose a former husband as a biological father and for more mundane reasons. Love is long gone, the couple broke up without tears and tantrums, each has its own life. And once a woman realizes that a little more, and it will be late to give birth. Nearby there is no one who could become a father: he is a weakling, that scoundrel, the third one is ugly (weak, short height, bad temper, etc. - necessary, as they say, to emphasize). But my husband genetics is good - what is not an option?
Cynically? Yes. But who said that choosing a father for a child whom you give birth to yourself, whom you will love more than life and raise, as it should be - strong, healthy, happy, kind, fair, is not the legal right of a woman? Yes, and not necessarily a happy baby must necessarily be born of great love. If a woman has the opportunity to raise the child herself, she may well ask her ex-husband to become his father. In this case want a child from her ex-husband is not a crime.
Another question is how he will react to this, what his wife will say (if she has one), whether any agreements on participation in upbringing will be concluded. This is another topic. And you need to think about this. A child is not a pill for lonely old age and not a way to realize its feminine purpose in spite of everything. No matter what biological clock is ticking over your head, you can give birth only with love for the little one, with the desire to give a happy life to the little man.
I want a child from my ex-husband to return him
Breaking up a serious relationship is always a huge stress for a woman. Especially if this relationship was long and happy, if a woman loves a cold spouse (young man) and can not imagine further life without him. Pretty often it happens that a woman tries to keep near her beloved in the most mean way - with pregnancy.
How vile? Yes, because in this case the child becomes a figure on the chess board: if I look like a knight, then he will have to give up. Checkmate, smoothly flowing into a new marriage. There is no talk of love for the baby, and believe me, he will know about it even in his mother’s stomach. Most likely, neither the mother nor the father will fall in love with such a child.
If a woman madly loves the former, perceives his departure as the collapse of life, then you can still understand it. Attempting to return a partner to the birth of a baby is a gesture of despair akin to clouding of reason. The idea “I want a child from my ex-husband” is constantly haunting, becoming obsessive.
Much worse if a woman acts on the calculation. The child is a priori responsible for family reunification. And if that doesn't happen, who will be to blame? That's right: the same baby, on which the calculation was based. If the attempt to return the former birth of a son or daughter fails, something will be impossible to fix. The baby will tie the mother hand and foot, will be doubly guilty. Who will grow up from a little man? Scary to think. A bunch of complexes, distorted since childhood psyche.
If a woman wants to give birth to her ex-husband, in order to return him, she should stop and think a hundred times anyway. This situation in any case will not bring happiness, even if the husband returns. A child should not be born for the implementation of a plan, even the most good, but only because it is desired. The purpose of the mother is to make happy not herself, but the baby.
Is it worth cheating if you want to give birth to your ex-husband
To deceive a man if you want to give birth to a former is a bad idea. It does not matter what goal a woman has: to give birth to herself or to try to get a partner back. The reasons are the same: the child who is not guilty of anything becomes a bargaining chip.
You can play on pity, on physiology, bring the future father into an unconscious state with alcohol or worse than that - just to get it. But is it worth it? Cheating is always meanness, and starting a new little life with her is a huge sin. Even if you leave a man in ignorance of conception and birth, it can open up after a few months or years.
What situation will be a loved one? How will he react to deception? It is unlikely that someone will like to feel like a limp stupid tool for fulfilling someone's wishes, even if it is good. The problems can be very serious, and they will definitely affect the baby.
Not only a man, but also a child can learn about deception. In this case, how the maternal deception is foul is God knows. But nothing hurts a child's soul more than the meanness and betrayal of parents. It is also worth considering this woman if she wants a child from a former partner without his knowledge. This is very cruel towards both a man and his future baby.
I want to give birth to my ex-husband and try to negotiate
It is much more honest, and in some sense even easier, to try to negotiate with your ex-husband. No need to put it before the fact: men react badly to attempts to manipulate them, especially in such a delicate situation. What can be done?
• Find a reason to meet with your former spouse. In no case can you voice your decision and request by phone. This is a completely cynical and obviously losing option.
• Prepare the territory: create a cozy atmosphere if the meeting takes place at your home, or choose a romantic cafe (perhaps, with which you both have pleasant memories).
• Put yourself in order for the full cycle: make-up, hairstyle, manicure, clothing. You can dress up to remind a man of former intimacy.
• Do not make any harsh statements during the meeting, do not put forward ultimatums and in no case slip into accusations. Even if a man is categorical, immediately abandoned the role of the future father, you should not lose your presence of mind. Maybe this is the first emotional reaction caused by shock.
• Ask the former to think about the offer for two or three days. A man needs time to realize the essence of the proposal, especially if in marriage he did not want children. Try to convince him that you will have no complaints about him after the birth of the child. Explain that you are not counting on material assistance or their participation in raising a child.
• A man can put a condition: yes, he agrees to give you a son or daughter, but wants to be not only a biological father. If this option is acceptable, you need to discuss in advance the form and degree of the father’s participation in the child’s life. Immediately consider whether you need to enter your father's name on the birth certificate. Sometimes it is much more convenient from a practical point of view to put a dash in the "father" column: no extra papers will be collected.
Agreeing with a man, if there is a firm decision to give birth to him, is much more productive, safer and more decent than to deceive and, so to speak, "take advantage of inexperience." All secret always becomes clear.
How to prepare if you want to give birth without any problems from the former
Whatever the method of conception, vile or honest, you need to prepare for it in advance. After all, the task - to give birth to a healthy baby, and not to lose the last health itself during the nine-month bearing.
That is why you need to take some preparatory actions.
1. Undergo a full medical examination, make sure that health is in perfect order. Gynecologist, therapist, dentist are required, and then - for health reasons. Remember that pregnancy can provoke chronic diseases or reveal some previously hidden pathology. It will be too late for a single pregnant woman to be treated, and there is no time for a newly-made mother.
2. Correctly determine the best day for conceiving. If the cycle is not broken, then its middle (14-15 days from the beginning of menstruation) is the ideal time for an intimate date. It will help a special test to determine the days of ovulation.
3. Take measures to increase the likelihood of conception: start drinking folic acid, give up bad habits (smoking, for example), protect yourself from hypothermia, trauma, psychological stress.
The situation may arise so that the second date will not. That is why a woman who wants a child from her ex-husband should be given maximum attention to the issue of intimacy.
I want to give birth to a former boyfriend, but I will throw this nonsense out of my head
It is difficult for a woman to give up the thought of a baby, but sometimes it is absolutely necessary. "I want to give birth to a former boyfriend, and that's it!" - this is very irresponsible and even immoral. There are many reasons for refusal. And the first is the age of the future mother. If a young girl is resolved to take such a dangerous step, especially if her marriage with a partner is not marriage, and just a close relationship, this is a 100% mistake. The trouble is that the girl is still a child herself, and she can act on an emotional wave, without the participation of reason.
This situation is very dangerous. It's one thing when a decision is made consciously by an adult woman. She is able to be responsible for the consequences, can provide for herself, often does not build any illusions. 20-year-old girl, as a rule, is in a dependent financial position. It is therefore very important that its decision was supported by the parents.
And is it worth it to hurry? Youth is a wonderful gift that is criminally wasted. With the birth of a baby, life will be completely different, and there will simply be no time for yourself for several years. It may happen that a new love will come, and in the hands - a reminder of the old. Will this child need a potential husband? Will he turn into a burden? Who knows.
It is worth thinking about this:
• after the birth of the baby, all responsibility will fall on the shoulders of a single mother. Those problems that in a full family parents divide in half, will have to be solved alone. And oh, how many worries, the load will be enormous;
• A young mother cannot work for some time, and it’s simply impossible to live on benefits. Who will be liable for the baby and his mother?
• It will be difficult to explain to a child why he does not have a dad. Even if the father will take part in raising the baby, see him, then understand why dad leaves him every time, the child will not be able to soon;
• It’s difficult to have a private life with a small child. Does the birth of a baby really bring happiness? What if you want to change everything?
The birth of a baby from a former husband or partner is a very difficult question. It must be solved from the perspective of an adult person, because the responsibility for a new life is enormous.
